Taxotere Tore Me Up…
It took 12 days to recover from the first Taxotere treatment; that’s four more days than it usually took for the red devil poison to disburse. Because the nurses refused to treat me on the scheduled Tuesday, and I had to go back the next day…I went directly to chemo from school and then directly back to school for Open House. That was a long day. The next day, Thursday, I had my four o’clock UNLV class following my school work day, so that was another long day…but so far, so good. On Friday, I went directly to a memorial service after school. Still, not too bad. When I stopped at the grocery store on the way home, fatigue began to crawl all over me. I made it home, and then the next symptoms set in. The joints in my toes cramped up, and then my ankles began to hurt. This must be what they call neuropathy, I thought, described as numbness and tingling of the extremities. For the better part of the next 10 days, there was no numbness or tingling…my feet were on fire. By Saturday night the fatigue began to overwhelm, and I had the first of many fitful nights of sleep. The next day I was bound and determined to go to the Harvest Festival at Cashman Center. Susan and Krista went with me. I just had to have more jewelry and more quirky key people necklaces. I ran into Nikki, Jason, and Julie. As I stood talking to them, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand, much less, walk around the displays. It was great to see them though, and I hope they couldn’t tell what distress I was in. By Sunday night I was hoping that the pain would go away by Monday… no chance. By Monday my feet were still on fire, actually burning…it was difficult to walk…my stomach was messed up, my mouth began to hurt from developing mouth sores, my glands were sore, the top of my head hurt, my chest hurt, and on each outer side of my mouth in the corner crease was a slit. I don’t know how I made it to my 7:00 class on Tuesday, but I did; and I presented all the material. Every step from the car to the classroom and back again was extreme foot pain, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before or that I can adequately describe. By Wednesday my hands were burning from the inside out, along the outer sides running along the palms, my hands were on fire. I called Susan, the doctor’s nurse. She said it was all to be expected, that there was another lady on about the same schedule as me experiencing the same symptoms. I guess that was supposed to make me feel better. “You are not alone in your side effects, extreme fatigue, burning feet, burning hands, numerous pains, etc. Someone else has it too; you must be all right!” Eventually, the burning of my hands spread across the tops and over to the thumbs. Ten days later on the 15th I had an O.K. day. I went to pick up Zoe, Krista’s dog, for a sleepover. Since Luke was coming by to pick up Krista, I stayed to meet him. I hope I didn’t scare him away. I had a good day and night with the lovable, cuddly Zoe even though my hands were killing me. The next day was not so hot; I was back to fatigued again. I drew sketches in my journal of the locations of all the burns on my hands. Although my hands continued to hurt and then eventually peeled, the 12th day following chemo I felt like myself again, whoever that is these days. Needless to say, I had much to discuss with my doctor when I returned for my appointment that preceded my second Taxotere treatment. More to come about the second treatment and other things the doctor has planned for me. Aside from everything else, I’m so eternally grateful for my understanding and supportive family and the friends who keep in touch and keep up with what’s going on with me. Susan and Krista accept when I can’t talk on the phone or even return their calls. One time when the phone rang, and I was too sick to answer it, I could hear J.J.’s little voice talking to his grandfather. I just cried that I was too sick, tired, weak to talk to him that day. All the rest of the time, though, just his voice on the phone brings me the greatest joy imaginable. The other day when, once again, I was trying to pull out of post-Taxotere, John insisted on visiting me. That 34-year old man had to sit right next to his mom on the couch, and he kissed my bald head. (Could there be anything more endearing than that mother-son experience?) By the time he left, I was almost me again. To my friends who email periodically or call and want updates, I’m truly grateful to have so many people who care. For the few people in my new school who are truly aware of what is going on with me, I’m grateful for their caring; and if I need to I can talk about my latest escapades [treatments, burns, pains, etc.] So, the old roller coaster from way back on my blog…I’m still on it. I’ve been up and down those steep climbs a few times now; and I don’t like it. Although today I was joking with Connie and Patti about all the money I save on hair products, shaving gear, etc. would you like to put on your fake breast, draw your eyebrows on every morning and put your fake hair on before you go out in public? Hope you never have to find out….
Just know that when you finally get off that crazy roller coaster (and praying for you while you are on it) people who love you are waiting arms open to celebrate (read that as “party like rock stars!”) Never forget…even on your worst days…that you are loved!
Mom, you are so close … I am so proud of you. 2 more to go! I have to say, I knew you didn’t feel good at the harvest feast but I had no idea how bad you felt. I hope someday, I’m as strong as you.
Zoe says hi!
Mom, I am so glad that you have the blog to completely document this experience because when we talk on the phone you never quite share it all. That must be your way of protecting me from it. That or I just don’t want to listen to how bad you are feeling…
It probably won’t make you feel any better but some how Krista got all of the boob genes and I was left with what one of Krista’s friends once labeled (not directed at me) bee stings. I have worn bras of material just a little bit thicker than they need to be for years. Thankfully Elliott loves me anyway. And we all love you anyways.
It is good to hear from you again, I check your site almost daily and… nothing for the longest time I was starting to wonder if Robert was just keeping you soooo busy or if you were not feeling well. It sound like a horrible couple of weeks for you but…once again your strength has prevailed my prayers are always with you. Bobbie’s husband has had a discovery of a brain tumor this past week and she is off to AZ with him for a special procedure, hopefully all will go well, anyhow when this is over we are going out to do shots and we hope your treatments will all be over then too and you can come with us!!!! What a year!!!
Little ‘Ole Me…I can’t wait to party like a rock star!
Krista…You are already at least as strong as me. I don’t know why you can’t figure that out.
Teresa…I’m confused by your boob genes comments. Size of anything has little to with anything else, well, except maybe the size of love that comes from your heart, which I know is as big as all outdoors.
Ann…Count me in on the shots! I hope all goes well with Bobbie’s husband. This just shows us once again that life sometimes just up and slaps you in the face.
Hi Dottie
I just wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts. I miss seeing you and hear about you from Trudi. You are such a brave person!
Hi Dottie,
I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are.
It sounds like it has been pretty rough lately. You really are amazing to keep up with all you do while you are going through this. You have an amazing attitude, you really do. Stay strong. Thinking of you, Dawn.
You have surpassed my personal journey with chemo, so I can only read your blogs and continue to keep you in my prayers. Your strength is truly amazing. Hang in there. Staying busy and active certainly help, but don’t push yourself too hard. It’s okay to slow down, if you need too.
Dottie, reading your blog is heart-rending! I couldn’t begin to realize the pain involved with these procedures. I do know that God will not give you more than you can handle IF you have Him there with you. He must be there because handle them is what you are doing! I do love you! And I do miss you.
Maria,
I certainly miss you, too. I hope you are enjoying your job this year. What did you think of our royalty statement? Since you’re only working part-time, how about doing some marketing? Just kidding…I truly cherish the days I worked so closely with you to write the book and, not to mention, complete my dissertation. Those were great, productive, creative times with no suspicion that I had a battle to fight down the road. They say getting a doctorate requires jumping through a series of hoops with the last one on fire. I guess now I would compare that hoop-jumping to a walk in the park. Your continued support and friendship mean so much to me.
Dear Dawn,
I miss you, too, and especially all those wonderful literacy discussions you and I had at Goolsby. Reading First and Harcourt Trophies don’t quite measure up to our philosophical chats.
Bonnie,
I truly appreciate hearing from you. I know you’ve been where I am, and you’re all right now; and that helps me get through. Thanks for keeping me in our prayers. I’m heeding your advice. When I feel that I shouldn’t be working, I’m getting better at staying home or going home. I have to try not to think of it as a sign of weakness, just a once-in-awhile necessity.
Maryann,
You are truly one of my dearest friends, and I feel fortunate to have you in my life. I know you would always be there for me, and I could call you anytime if I needed something. Although we’re not in the same school anymore, it has no affect on the depth of our friendship. I love and miss you, too.
Dottie, what a joy it was to see you today! You look quite fantastic! You look healthy and rested. Keep up the good work! Yes, I would always be there for you…see a movie, need a book, want to go shopping, tea, anyone? Love, MaryAnn