I Made it Through the First Week Of School! All Educators’ Celebratory Cry of the Day!

I made it through the first week of school! Once again, I was reminded that kindergartners are about the funniest people on Earth. Now that the kids are back in school, I know that if I have any bad feelings at all, I can just go to a kindergarten class to cheer up. Even their crying is hilarious: they don’t want to be there, they want to go home, they’re tired, they’re probably hungry; and they’re completely frustrated. It’s really a blast. My own gorgeous kindergartner grandson related that kindergarten was like his dad’s work…very long, and you can’t just eat when you want to…He did make two new friends the first day and another a couple of days later. I told him that kinders at my school were crying. He said some at his school were crying too but not him. So many things happened in this first week of school that I would need another blog just to begin to record them. There is never a dull moment at my new school; and I think that’s great for me. I also started my two fall classes at UNLV. I have former students in both classes. They are recent former students so they know of the experiences I’ve been having lately. Melanie told me that she has everyone in her family reading my blog. Thanks, Melanie. A new student (to me) told me of her 25-year old daughter who has cancer and can barely take care of her two-year-old. She takes radiation pills for her cancer and can’t be touched or touch for two weeks after each treatment. There are no words for the mother of a 25 year old with cancer, but we talked anyway. Today I had labs (blood drawn) and saw my oncologist in preparation for my next chemo treatment on Tuesday. He says that I am starting a completely new regimen now…that I will not be sick; there are few side effects, and I don’t have to have a blood draw every week in between. All right! I’m looking forward to a whole new cycle of chemos that is not going to do me in. From his mouth to God’s ears…I have a completely full plate now with my very busy day-time job and teaching two classes at night; so, I certainly hope the doctor’s right. I can’t think of any days that I have time to sleep around the clock, feel sick, or feel sorry for myself. I told him that I was going out of town this weekend…I haven’t left town for more than a year now with all this stuff going on with me…the only down-side thing he said was, “What are you going to do if you run a fever of 102?” I had no answer, so he told me…go to an emergency room….O.K. that’s not what I had in my mind for my first venture out of town…not to worry though…Susan and Krista are going with me…so there’s no chance of my getting into any trouble under their watchful/caring eyes. Isn’t Labor Day a wonderful day to celebrate simply not working at all? Yahoo!

A Weekend, Fourth Chemo, and Recovery…

Last weekend was very interesting. I was installed as President of the Silver State Reading Association, the state affiliate of the International Reading Association. Previously, I had thoughts of stepping down due to my latest preoccupation in life; but I decided to stay on, and bring what I can to the role of president. We had an executive board meeting on Friday evening and then an all-day meeting on Saturday. For the president’s report, I presented the book, The Jester Has Lost His Jingle, along with the Jester puppet and his friend, Pharley, and the many wonderful things that can be done as noted on thejester.org website. The book is connected to cancer because the author died of Hodgkin’s just short of his 23rd birthday. One of the many uses of the book and puppet is for children going through chemo…The donations of books and puppets is really meant for any children in need due to illness, abuse, poverty, etc. I noted that each local council, reporting their literacy efforts, is doing what is uniquely needed by its community. I’m not sure that other than the promotion of literacy in and of itself that the councils need a common state mission. My purpose in presenting the Jester materials was just to make it known and suggest that if each council gave only one book and one puppet to one children’s ward of a hospital, we might bring laughter back to someone as the Jester does in the book.

Following the upside of the weekend was the downside of the fourth chemo treatment on Tuesday. My beautiful son, John, went with me, as he had signed up for earlier. Because I had been for labs on Thursday and seen the doctor on Friday, it was surprising and disappointing to find when we got there that I had to go through labs again before the chemo could be administered. This is because some of my counts were low, and they double check before administering the drugs. This meant it would add at least an hour to the ordeal, while we waited for the results of the blood tests. Then they finally got started. John slept peacefully through the treatment, and the nurses noted they were jealous of his ability to take a nap and wished they could take one as well. The next day I went to work and then hydration at the Cancer Institute (Joe went with me each day). Hopefully, the hydration would keep me from nausea and extreme fatigue. Actually, in my visit with the doctor on Friday, the only thing he could come up with was that my fatigue from the last time was probably connected to nutrition. Since, I became so fatigued, I wasn’t getting much nutrition. He must have sent the nutrition lady to see me because she came by with advice for getting nutrition through liquids (like chicken broth, Jello, Ensure, etc.) if I didn’t feel like eating. The next day was the first day on campus for the new teachers at Harmon. It was busy and exciting and uplifting to see so many people so anxious to get started at their new school. On that day (Thursday), after school, I went to hydration again. They were running so late that we didn’t get started until at least a half an hour late…depressing… to spend the afternoon there. By Thursday evening, I began to feel the nausea coming on…not horrible, but not good. Then the tiredness began to set in. By Friday morning, I knew I couldn’t go to work. The fatigue ruled my body, and I could only sleep. By afternoon, I was extremely fatigued and depressed that this had hit me again like a ton of bricks. We went to hydration again. On Fridays they try to hurry you out, so we got out a little earlier. I slept pretty much around the clock, and Saturday was another lost day…lost to fatigue and sleep. Today is Sunday; and, at least, I’m on the computer and have done one load of laundry…giant steps from Friday and Saturday…I don’t know what today will bring, but I hope for continued recovery from the poison drugs that are making me so sick but hopefully annihilating any cancer cells. On Friday and Saturday, I wouldn’t have given two cents for my life and questioned why I put myself through this when death seems preferable. I apologize to my children, who so want me to live on, for having thoughts of relief through death; but that is the truth of the matter. Hopefully, if I continue to feel a little better each day now, I will once again get past those feelings and take pride and joy in my life with my family, work, and friends. Once, earlier, I used the analogy of a roller coaster ride to that of the cancer patient’s experience; and it has only increased in its intensity. A three-week cycle of ups and downs is almost more than I can bear right now. I so want my real life back, and I know I’ll never see it again; I know it can never be. The ups in the cycles hardly compensate for the complete and devastating downs that rack my heart and soul and spirit. So, if I’m lucky, tomorrow I will get dressed, starting with a bra with a prosthesis on one side, ending with a wig of fake hair on my head; and I’ll put on a smile and go off to face the world, pretending to be someone I once was.

A Typically Good Day, Considering…

Before I discuss what a typically good day could possibly be for a chemo patient, let me first give an update on Susan…The news was as we expected…just get checked every six months. I think that’s good because if anything goes awry with her, the doctors will be right on it…there won’t be time for growth and spreading, etc…anything that might show up will be addressed quickly. No pressure on my other three daughters, but what are you waiting for?…. So, what’s a typically good day for a chemo patient who has one breast and no hair?…well, it’s at the end of the cycle of the most recent chemo treatment, which was almost three weeks ago for me. The next chemo treatment is looming, so life must be enjoyed these last few days preceding it. Today I worked with my old friend/new boss Robert (Well, I work with him everyday now, but this post is about today). I am in such a different world now than I was at Goolsby; and there is a learning curve that I am enjoying. Let’s see…there’s dual language, Title I, Reading First, year-round schedules, etc. In the last week, two teachers who were supposed to start the year with us have decided not to after all. Scrambling to hire at this time of the year has proven to be interesting and challenging. I was quite sure going into this job that Robert’s and my philosophies and opinions were very much alike; and that has turned out to be true from nitty gritty details to hiring staff. Last night I left my car at the night drop at Ford Country for this morning’s 8:30 appointment. This was the only down side of today. The service rep called to say that they would not be getting to it until at least Friday, maybe Monday. I’m not sure how a Thursday 8:30 appointment turns into getting looked at on Friday or maybe Monday, but I went and picked up my car. That was annoying. Now I’m going to take it to a competitor on Saturday, which I really don’t have time for…anyway, even this annoyance cannot truly get to me when I have a much more scary annoyance (red devil poison chemo treatment) coming up on Tuesday. So…why today was good… I talked to two of my favorite people on the phone: Ada and Laurie. I didn’t think I could talk to Ada without crying because my last memory of her was hugging her goodbye in tears as I left Goolsby on my last day. But, I did talk to her, and I didn’t cry; and it made me feel good just to hear her voice again. I also talked to Laurie, and that made me feel good, too, especially since I’ll be seeing her at an all-day reading association event on Saturday. What else was good today? Grandpa had to pick up Jason and then pick me up so they both got to see my office in my new place; that was good. I hope Jason enjoyed seeing the newspaper article about him on my wall…the one in which he was the Geography Bee winner for two years straight at his school. Also, I talked on the phone to Susan twice today (O.K., since I started writing this, she called me again, so make that three times, even better). John called me; he’s very special. J.J. called me, too; he is also very special. He talked about starting kindergarten; and, once again, I grilled him on could he write his name, the letters of the alphabet, and numbers. He says he sometimes likes to write Js backwards, but I told him a lot of little kids do that. I asked him how Ana was, and he asked if I wanted to talk to her. After, “Hi, Grandma,” I don’t know what she said. J.J. quickly took the phone back from her and said, “I don’t know what she’s talking about!” See that special connection we have? We think a lot a like. Then I talked to Krista, and she had some great stories to tell me. I can’t repeat them here; and actually won’t even tell the topic right now. I might add that this whole week has been quite good…It started on Sunday celebrating Jay’s birthday at his house. Teresa came to town to work at the Henderson office one day, and we got to spend the afternoon together. We lunched, and then we were going to shop; but we only got as far as my four new pair of shoes…all “cute” Sketchers to comfortably get around the huge Harmon campus. Also this week I heard from Becky, and Mary, and Carol (a new friend made during the summer, a student in one of the classes I taught at UNLV); and I got caught up on Little ‘Ole Me’s recent dating escapades. When I was talking to Ada, Bobbie also said hi in the background, and she’s another one of my favorite people. I did have to go to the Cancer Institute today for the weekly labs, which means drawing blood through my port. Joe went along for the ride. I got the nurse, you know, the one I used to not like, who told me that if I was going to go through something like this, I should get used to the poking and prodding. Well, I like her now, go figure. So, I hope this “good day” post can follow me through next week’s treatment, when I may once again feel that it’s not worth the effort. I’m not being pessimistic. I WILL think positively about the chemo treatment, but I now have three previous cumulative (even though the doctor says they’re not) treatments that clog the prior knowledge part of my brain. So, wish me luck on the 14th, and I hope no one will have to read any “poor me” blogs following the next round.