Strong Women…
I’ve been informally gathering information on strong women throughout my life. Maybe it was to provide me with a treasure trove of stories and characteristics upon which to draw when I really needed it; that seems to be now…I was born into the world with two strong women in my life. My grandmother, born in 1896 was the oldest female in her family. I can’t remember how many children there were altogether, but I do recall at least six others. When she was a teenager, her mother died; and she became mother to all those siblings. I can’t even imagine how tough things were then, but she made it through. She brought up all those children and then continued to help them, when and if they needed it and if she could, throughout their lives. My grandmother’s maiden name was Faircloth, and she was very proud of that fact. My grandmother divorced her first husband, something almost unheard of back in those days. I think she must have been very strong-willed to do that, to bring up two children on her own. Because of my grandmother’s divorce I never knew my biological grandfather or any of his family, with one exception. He remarried and had a son, and my mother and his family visited often. My mother had a special affection for her half-brother. My grandmother worked hard all of her life. She actually worked at the Teachers’ College. I don’t know what she did there, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she cleaned dorm rooms. My grandmother did provide me with the only grandfather I ever knew, her second husband; and he was dearly loved Grandpa Jack to me. Every morning, during the years that my mother and I lived with my grandmother, when I came downstairs, my grandmother greeted me with, “Good Morning, Mary Sunshine!” I didn’t know enough then to understand that life couldn’t get much better than that. My mother was the strong woman who brought me into the world. She may not have started out that way, born and brought up in a small town with a working, divorced mother; but she grew into it. Divorce seemed to become a way of life with the women in my life, because my mother divorced my father when I was three. I don’t think she had much choice, if she wanted to hold her head up in town and continue on with her life and raise her small child. When my mother and father met at 18, neither of them drank alcohol. Life was simple then. My parents got together with friends, playing cards and going to movies; no one in their crowd drank. Not too long after I was born, much to my mother’s surprise, my father came home drunk one night. He was forever changed by alcohol which became part of his life, as far as I know, until he died. Alcohol lead to philandering, and that led to my parents’ divorce. My mother worked hard all of her life. She was a telephone operator, and she took that very seriously. Back in those days, operators actually sat at a switchboard and “plugged in” calls; they made the connections from one party to another, which included all emergency calls as well. No matter what the weather was, snow six feet deep, my mother would find a way to get to work, because she felt her job was important.
After Kathi was born, we moved to upstate New York to a community where everyone worked for IBM. The family who lived across the street from us had several children and a beautiful woman who was the mom. I don’t know if strong is the way to describe her, but I’m putting her in that category anyway. With all those children and what it took in the early 1960s to get through the day with household chores, my neighbor always looked like June Cleaver; the kids all looked like Wally; and the house was spotless. I think she had to be strong to do all of that, look that good, and stay with the husband she had (enough said).
Years later, I met another woman whose qualities are in my treasure box. She, too had a large family, and I’m not sure, but perhaps an abusive husband. She didn’t talk about it. In those days, many women, including me, did not go on to college. I’m sure everyone’s reasons were different (money, family background, no expectation to do so, young love, whatever). Many women then married young, had large families, and went on with their lives in whatever directions they took. I met this particular woman through a volunteer organization. She started out as a volunteer and eventually went to work for the organization. Somehow, with all those children and the husband, she managed to get through college and become a teacher. That took a lot. The qualities of determination, perseverance, and goal-oriented come to mind. I know she later went on to become a school counselor and recently retired.
The next strong woman I met was when I went to work on the graveyard shift as a pit clerk at Caesar’s Palace. Oh, the other women there were “strong” too, but they weren’t fit to shine the shoes of this lady. I guess maybe way back in this writing I should have qualified “strong.” The strong women I’m referring to combined strength with class, respect, and goodness. Speaking in generalities, for the most part (not ALL), the pit clerks swore like truck drivers, exhibited little or no respect for anyone, and were the lowest class of women I had ever met. At least two of them were sending their 12-year old sons to live with fathers they’d never really known because they were getting too much for their mothers to handle. Anyway, Judy was a light in the darkness of that particular group of women. She, too, had married young; and she had five sons. One of her sons, in his early twenties, had been in a horrendous car accident which left him with many injuries, including being legally blind. I didn’t know her when the accident happened but met her shortly afterward. She never missed a beat. No matter what was going on in her life with those boys, she came to work. She did her job (better than the others); she put her family/personal problems aside while she was at work; and she held her head high. We worked in two other casinos together in the pit clerk business. When she had a heart attack, she worked right through it (Who does that?) Then she went home and ended up in the hospital with quadruple bypass surgery. I learned a lot from her. As far as I know, she’s still alive and kicking (although the love of her life passed on a few years ago) and probably taking care of her invalid son, now in his forties.
Over the years I’ve met a lot of strong women in the world of education. But sometimes their strength is not combined with those other qualities of class, respect, and goodness. In the world of higher education, the most important person in my life is Maria. She saw me through a difficult time in my doctoral program and provided me with the support and will to persevere. She also brought me in as co-author of a book for teachers. Maria is one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. She’s always on the cutting edge of what’s new and next in literacy. She is steadfast in her beliefs; she stands behind them, and she stands up for them.
You might guess where I’m going next with strong women…Those four daughters of mine…My oldest daughter Kathi…I suppose being first born of a large family could account for some of it, but she went way beyond those qualities. Kathi put herself through college and following graduation, at the age of 23, packed up her car and drove across country for a hotel job in Indianapolis. Did I mention guts anywhere in my description of strong women? Well, she’s gone on to have a very successful career in the hotel industry, serving as Vice President with at least two major companies…Susan also put herself through college and then packed her car and moved to Arizona (A serendipitous move since that’s where she met Kevin). Susan has had health issues, the worst of which she went through while living away from the support of her family. Susan went on to get a masters’ degree. She has worked her employment around her son, Jason, so she could always be there for him, getting him to all kinds of lessons, sports teams, and school functions…Teresa is a civil engineer. She was just recently charged with the responsibility of opening and supervising a bay area office for her firm. Teresa is always involved in many things beyond her workday, from the Society of Women Engineers to Toastmasters to training for a triathlon…Krista grew up with the title of “princess” which she most likely took delight in. She’s doing great in her career in communications, and I’m sure there’s no telling how far she will go one day. But look what happened to the princess when her mother got cancer? She’s been the strength her mother didn’t have to face up to so many new and scary experiences. Like her sisters, she is a strong woman who combines that quality with class, respect, and goodness. So, thanks to Mildred, Lavinia, two Judys, Lu, and Maria and those four women I gave birth to for providing me with examples to fall back on when I wonder how I’m going to get through the next step in this unplanned part of my life.
